Adversity has a way of showing up in all of our lives—sometimes with a whisper, other times with a crash. It may look like illness, injury, loss, or the slow grind of living with pain. Whatever form it takes, one truth remains constant: adversity is deeply personal. It isn’t something to be measured on a scale, weighed against what others are carrying, or dismissed because someone else’s road appears “harder.”
I’ve learned this the long way round. I live with chronic pain and spinal instability, and I’ve been a permanent wheelchair user for many years. Every day brings its own challenges—some predictable, others that knock me sideways. On the outside, my reality may look like “a big adversity,” and yes, there are days when it feels heavy. But here’s the important part: my challenges don’t make yours smaller.
Your Pain Matters
I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard people say, “I shouldn’t complain in front of you” or “My backache is nothing compared to what you live with.”
But that’s not how adversity works.
Pain is pain. Discomfort is discomfort. Struggle is struggle. Just because my challenges are visible or sound “tougher” doesn’t mean what you’re experiencing is less real, less valid, or less deserving of care.
If your shoes give you blisters, it doesn’t help to tell yourself, “Well, at least they’re not broken or, at least I can walk.” Your feet still hurt. They still need attention. And you still deserve to walk comfortably.
Facing Adversity on Your Own Terms
Living with physical limitations has taught me to look at progress differently. I’ve celebrated the smallest of victories—days when pain is less intense, or when I find a new way to adapt to a task that once seemed impossible. And I’ve learned that healing or coping is rarely linear. Some days are strong, others are fragile. Both matter.
Here are a few things that help me, and may help you too:
Acknowledge your struggle. Naming it isn’t weakness—it’s honesty.
Break it down. Big challenges can overwhelm. Small steps are powerful.
Create your toolkit. For me, it’s a mix of medical support, creativity, and leaning on people who understand. Yours may look different, and that’s okay.
Celebrate the “small.” A better night’s sleep, a walk around the block, a breakthrough in mindset—none of these are small in the face of adversity.
Give yourself grace. Comparing yourself to others (or to your “old self”) only adds weight you don’t need.
Inspiration NOT Competition
I draw inspiration from people who face challenges different from mine—athletes who overcome injury, friends navigating illness, even parents juggling exhaustion and daily demands.
But, inspiration doesn’t mean competition.
Their battles don’t minimize mine, and mine don’t make theirs smaller.
The beauty of perspective lies in seeing strength in others while also honouring your own. We can encourage one another, not by weighing whose road is steeper, but by walking our own road as best we can—and cheering for each other along the way.
“When we compete with someone else’s suffering, we risk dismissing our own—robbing ourselves of the chance to heal and the strength to overcome.”
A Final Thought
If I could leave you with one thing, it’s this: your adversity matters. Whatever you are facing—be it pain, uncertainty, or simply the weariness of holding things together—it is valid. Don’t diminish it just because someone else’s looks different.
Life isn’t about whose struggle is hardest. It’s about how each of us learns to live, adapt, and grow within the struggle we’ve been given.
So, take your next step—however small, however shaky—with courage. This is your road. Walk it in your own shoes, at your own pace. That’s more than enough.